Not Without Hope

For a small time today Anya was happy; she really enjoyed her visit from Grandma Sheryl & Isaiah. It was beautiful to see the way she smiled at him and the way he returned her smiles. She loved having him sit on her bed and holding his hand. It made me wish he could stay all night! And Anya loved having Grandma Sheryl read a Dr. Suess book or two.

As they were leaving, Dr. Kitchen and her assistants came to the room. Dr. Kitchen was pleased with Anya's progress. The plan is still on to have the bone marrow aspirate on Monday and to release her afterward, if everything goes okay. She was also alright with Anya's enormous appetite; she just wanted Anya to limit the sugar and salt intake for obvious reasons.

This morning I saw several strands of Anya's hair on the pillow. We had thought this wouldn't start yet but after speaking with the doctor we are now prepared for her hair to start coming out more at any time. It may sound trite but as I sit here and try to think about what to say, I realize I can't really describe the way the hair loss makes me feel or how Anya will feel once she experiences it. But again I just choose to trust God that He will sustain us through this part of the consequences of leukemia.

And I would like to thank Cara, Anya's friend from Virginia, for donating her hair to Locks of Love in honor of Anya. Cara was not able to dontate it for Anya specifically but I am so thankful that another little girl or boy will be able to have a wig because of Cara's unselfishness and compassion. The world would be a better place if there were more little Cara's out there.

On another note, I just got off the phone with an old, dear friend of mine. And through the course of our conversation she said something to the effect of, "It sounds like you are doing good...unless you're just covering something." And with this I was reminded again that I still have joy because I am not without hope! While I am exhausted and sorrowful for Anya...I am not without hope! I believe God is answering your prayers!

God has brought us through the miscarriage of our precious baby, Naum, and brought Israel through the loss of his father and brother many years ago. And I've had the privledge of watching God uphold another dear friend who lost her baby, Evan. And through these things God has been faithful; and though I do not fear that Anya will die I am confident that He will be faithful again through this long journey of treatment. I know that He is holding me and my daughter in His hand. He will be faithful to bring us all through this stronger and Anya will be more beautiful, more refined. Like my friend said, "It is not God's way" to do otherwise. From the depth of my heart I cry, "I trust you Lord...I trust you to uphold me, my daugther, my husband, and my family. I trust you to take care of us, to provide for our needs, and to use this for your glory."

In closing I wanted to share an old hymn, "Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing":

Come thou fount of every blessing
Tune my heart to sing thy grace
Streams of mercy never ceasing
Call for songs of loudest praise

Teach me some melodious sonnet
Sung by flaming tongues above
Praise His name, I'm fixed upon it
Name of God's redeeming love

Hither to thy love has blessed me
Thou has brought me to this place
And I know thy hand will bring me
Safely home by thy good grace

Jesus sought me when a stranger
Wandering from the throne of God
He to rescue me from danger
Bought me with His precious blood

Oh to grace how great a debtor
Daily I'm constrained to be
Let thy goodness like a fetter
Bind my wandering heart to thee

Prone to wander, Lord I feel it
Prone to leave the God I love
Here's my heart oh take and seal it
Seal it for thy courts above